10 Reflections for Adults Who Are Virgins and Dating

Many virgins, typically straight women, often ask us how long they can reasonably expect a partner to wait for sex, whether it’s realistic to hold out for the "right person," and if there are non-virgin, straight men willing to wait. For them, here are 10 thoughtful reflections on virginity to consider:

1. Faith-Based Decisions: If your virginity stems from religious beliefs, and you plan to wait until marriage because of divine expectations, focus on dating individuals within your faith who share these values. Make your stance clear early on to avoid heartbreak with someone whose beliefs don't align.

2. Sex as Something Sacred: Viewing sex as significant and meaningful can be commendable. Non-virgins could also benefit from placing more value on sex. Building emotional compatibility and discussing sexual health before engaging in intimacy can lead to healthier relationships.

3. Be Honest About Your Beliefs: There's no shame in being a virgin, so don’t feel the need to hide your values. Misleading a partner into thinking sex is imminent only for them to realize it isn’t can lead to frustration or hurt.

4. The Role of Sexuality: Sexual intimacy is a normal and often important aspect of romantic relationships. While you may prioritize waiting, many partners will expect sex eventually, especially in serious, committed relationships. Mutual understanding is key.

5. Respect for Preferences: Just as you have the right to wait, others have the right to want a sexual relationship. Neither position is inherently better; they’re simply different personal choices that must be respected.

6. Realistic Expectations: Finding someone willing to wait for an extended period is less common than finding someone who is open to sex. Be prepared for challenges, such as rejections, and understand that patience and persistence might be required.

7. Stay True to Yourself: Never feel pressured into compromising your values. A relationship should enhance your sense of self, not diminish it. Similarly, don't idealize sex to the point where it becomes an unattainable perfection.

8. Broaden Your Definition of Sex: Intimacy isn't limited to intercourse. Physical connections like kissing, oral sex, or mutual exploration can all constitute sexual activity. Avoid assigning undue importance to the idea of virginity.

9. Timing and Life Stage: While it might be reasonable to ask a partner to wait during your teens, as you age, the implications change. Waiting for years during your 20s or 30s can complicate relationships, particularly for partners interested in starting families.

10. The Risks of Extended Waiting: The longer you delay, the more expectations and anxieties can build. While waiting is valid, it can lead to practical challenges, like resentment or difficulty initiating intimacy when you're finally ready.